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Up near the surface

It's no surprise that grief is particularly close to the surface for me this week. We're finally having the memorial service for Mom this Friday, rich brown died last week, and life's intensity took some interesting jumps up quite recently. Not bad jumps, mind you, but still....

I continue to find it curious just what triggers another crashing wave of grief and what doesn't. What I can move smoothly through, and what stops me with utter abruptness. Monday morning, I tried on a couple different dresses, considering which to wear to the Williamston cemetery on Friday. No problems there, just comfortable thoughts about what I want to wear and why, and deciding to pack a second dress so I'll also have an option come the day. There was also the satisfaction of discovering the dresses still fit much the same as they did when I bought them several years ago. S'all right.

But tonight...tonight I was going full steam ahead on a layout project, cropping and sizing photos to use as page elements, adding a descriptor to the photo number for easier selection. A few hours into the project, after working with dozens of pictures of couples, families, adults, and children, I named one joyful photo "motherdaughter." Wham.

It's sharp, it's shattering. Yes, I know it will pass. But I just had to stop, catch my breath, and remember how I get through this (by writing, focusing on music, and letting tears flow when they will).



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 11th, 2006 10:41 am (UTC)
Jul. 11th, 2006 11:43 am (UTC)
Do what you need to do, and if there's anything a friend can do, well...
Jul. 11th, 2006 01:26 pm (UTC)
*hugs* from me as well. Thinking of you.
Jul. 11th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
Jul. 11th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
Thinking of you. *hugs*
Jul. 12th, 2006 02:12 am (UTC)
hugs from me as well. I remember how it was when my dad died and I still find myself having moments like that 4 years later.
Jul. 14th, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC)

I think of you often, and am sending you an extra measure of warm thoughts, love, and support today.
Jul. 20th, 2006 02:21 am (UTC)
I wish you all the best
hugs across the eways, etc. Unexpected things (radio songs are a big trigger for me) bring memories back, and there is no telling what else. Letting the tears flow is better than trying not to cry (thus sayeth the woman who cries at just about anything very sentimental....),

Just give yourself some slack, if you get verklempt driving and can't go on (I got really good driving and bawling...) pull over and take a break.

Love you gal, take care of yourself. ('nother hug)
Jul. 27th, 2006 03:49 am (UTC)
How you doing, babe?
you can just email rather than posting.

dragonet at kc dot rr dot com

We love you. If you're at Worldcon, we'll ask and give hugs if wished by you.

Hope you're holding up okay. I know how stressful all this carp is.

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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